he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
