cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
