he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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