I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
