Barsexuality is the new black.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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