this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
