With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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