if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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