So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
