Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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