I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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