She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
