So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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