I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
