definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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