we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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