The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
