I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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