totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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