guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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