As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
