he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
