In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
