i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
