Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
