Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
