I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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