bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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