If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
