Sponge bath it is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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