and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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