"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
