She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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