I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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