i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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