Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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