my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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