When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
