He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
