Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
