I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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