You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
