God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
