I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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