Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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