How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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