it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
