I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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