it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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