Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
