Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
