I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
