His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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