Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They took my balls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
