I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
