My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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