Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
