You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
