I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
