i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
