I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
