Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
