I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
