conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
