...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
