u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
