I could make wine with my vomit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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