There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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