The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize