my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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